I'm so sorry God.
Hmm?
I'm sorry that I messed up. I must have heard you wrong and said the wrong things.
Why do you think that?
Well, you saw how mad Carla was. I told her what you told me to tell her and she was so mad at me. I thought she would be happy to hear that she does not have to be sick anymore, that you can help her get better. But she was so mad!
What did you want her to do when you told her?
Well, I didn't want her to throw me out!
She wasn't really throwing you out, she is just scared.
Why would she be scared to get well?
Let me see if I can explain it to you....remember when you lost all that weight but you were still wearing those big baggy clothes?
Yeah...and?
And remember that old jacket that you wore with everything because you thought it covered up your butt, but it didn't really?
Yeah...your point?
Remember how mad you were when your sister Sharon told you that you look bad in your old clothes.
Yeah, I wanted to punch her lights out. I actually told her she was just jealous.
Remember, when you finally let her take you shopping for some new clothes?
Yeah, and I felt so awkward wearing them at first, so I snuck back into my old clothes again most of the time.
But you don't wear them now, do you?
No, I started getting so many compliments whenever I would wear the new clothes, and I started to feel more comfortable in them. After a while, I started to see how good the new clothes looked on me, and I didn't even need anyone to tell me anymore.
Yep, that's exactly the kind of thing that Carla is going through. It's the new wine syndrome that I talk about in my book. My, new wine is better but everyone wants to stick with the old wine. And, new wine can't go into old wineskins either. New wine needs new wineskins.
Yeah, I read that too, but what does it mean?
Well, the wine is all of your reactions to life that are the result of what you believe about me and what you believe about yourself. Get it, Wine comes from fruit, your reactions are the result of your fruit or your beliefs. The wine will only be as good as the fruit and you will react to life according to your beliefs.
Ok, I guess that makes sense, but what is the wineskin.
The wineskin is your belief system or how you process life according to what you believe. It is how you store away thoughts and categorize what you see and hear. The wineskin is your reasoning ability. It determines if you see the glass half empty or half full. And sometimes, it determines how you derive your own self-worth. Carla's self-worth tells her that she gets more attention from people if she stays sick.
Hey, that is sick...but I believe it. She and I do spend a lot of time talking about her sickness. I can see why she would be afraid not to have it. Does she think that I only come around because I feel sorry for her? Does she think she will lose me if she gets well?
It is deeper than that. She thinks that without the sickness she will be nothing. The sickness is her life right now. It has become her wineskin. She sees everything through it and it shapes her view of life and every relationship that she has. For now, she gets her identity from the sickness.
But then I don't get it, why did you have me go over there and say that to her if you knew that she wouldn't even hear me?
Because I am a farmer and I want to change her fruit.
Say what?
Yeah, I am using you to plant seeds into her from a new kind of tree.
A new kind of tree?
Yeah, the Love tree.
{smile}The love tree? And just how will I plant these seeds?
You will continue to tell her about me and love on her, one love seed at a time until she finally gets her identity from me.
Ok, but this is sounding like could it takes a long time...
It might.
Oh, so are you telling me that what I went through with Carla tonight is not the last time?
Probably not, but if you love her...
You know I do God; But, are you sure this will work on her?
It worked on you, didn't it?
Yes, it did, but that's because you love me the most out of everyone right?
{giggle} Cynthia, you know that you are the apple of my eye.
{giggle} I love you, God. Hey, was that a love seed for me?
Yep, you know love never fails Cynthia.
Ok, I get it, God.